Birth story 

Time and again I’ve tried writing this, never really finding the right words or the strength to click post. 

At times I feel like it was my fault, I should’ve done more, I shouldn’t have given up when the doctors told me  I was fine although I could feel something wasn’t. 

March 3rd I had my 27 week checkup, and my doctor who’s wonderful wasn’t his normal self he looked worried and he was quiet so I knew something was wrong. 

He finished the ultrasound and asked us to meet him in his office, my mind went around thinking about all the possibilities; just a few weeks before we ruled out any kind of malformation, heart and kidney defects and just everything that could go wrong and we just heard the heartbeat so what could be wrong ? 

I cleaned myself and Mischa and I held hands, we were both shaking not knowing why. 

So we sat down and he starts explaining how our baby wasn’t growing, and there was not enough blood going through the cord. Honestly I wasn’t that concerned and thought it could’ve been worst. So I downplayed it.  He told us we should go first thing in the morning to the specialist and get checked. 

So 8:00 am next day we get to the hospital and I get piked and poked and every test was done on my baby and I. They had the results… she was too small. 

Sounds like nothing to be worried about right ? WRONG ! 

We were told I would spend the rest of my pregnancy at the hospital in strict bed rest. Sucks. Anyway, I would’ve done anything for my baby. 

4 days went by but felt like years, and then in the morning the doctor came with good news, I was going home. I was so happy, but something didn’t feel right, I was all swollen, hands and feet, I had a mild headache and blurry vision. I told the nurses and they told me it was normal. 

So because I didn’t wanted to be alone we were planing on moving with my in laws for the remaining of my pregnancy. 

That night I had the worst headache and couldn’t sleep at all. 

I woke up feeling like I had been ran down by a bus. Worst headache, blurry vision, nausea, and my sking felt stretched. 

I don’t remember the rest so this is what they said happened. 

Everyone was at work already except for my brother in law. He says he heard a loud noise and he went checking it out he saw me laying on the floor underneath the stairs. Looks like I rolled down the stairs 

He calls an ambulance and my mother in law, she gets there first and they put me into the ambulance. I wake up and ask about my baby to what they tell me they’ll take care of me. 

I was desperately wanting to feel my baby move. 

Suddenly I couldn’t feel anything, I couldn’t open my eyes, move or talk, and I felt like my hands were cramping. Little did I know I was seizing. 

I seized twice in the ambulance so they called an emergency doctor who had to be flown by helicopter so she could ride with us to the hospital and do whatever was necessary. 

We get to the hospital and they do and MRI to see the kind of damage my brain had suffered, after all the seizures were longer than a minute and my brain was oxygen deprived. So I seize again in the MRI machine. 

They rush me into the OR and perform an emergency surgery in which they could only hope a live baby would come out. 

My tiny fighter ewas born March 9th 2016 weighing just 1200gr she came our crying and I would’ve given anything to see that. 

I was in a coma for 3 days and when I finally woke up I couldn’t recognize anyone. I couldn’t talk and I didn’t know what was going on, all I knew was my daughter was not inside my belly anymore. 

The drugs wore off and I was finally able to talk, they told me about everything that had happened and I could t believe I was alive. 

2 day later I met my little girl Mila Sophie Braun. Mischa wheeled me into the NICU and I swear as he was opening the door I was just so nervous. You know? The kind of nervous you get before a first date? When you’re waiting for that someone to pick you up ? Just like that just that this date would end up with me meeting the love of my life. 

I saw her and everything changed. All my suffering from the last days was gone, the world was right and she was there. She was tiny but fierce. 

She spent 6 weeks there and it was overwhelming, but during this time I met the bravest and strongest people, babies and parents. 

She’s now a year old and a NICU graduate and I can’t believe everything we went through.  

Shoutout to my friends Saskia,Max and their baby Oskar whom I love and who’s friendship helped me get over such hard times. ❤️

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s